Thursday, May 06, 2004
Fri....no, Thursday:
I gotta get on a normal sleep schedule, the days are running together.
[insert happy dancing smiley here]
Today was a very, very good day. The Quest card was activated, and somehow I ended up with $300 credit. Better believe I not only went grocery shopping, I did some stocking up as well. Got $270-worth of food for $180....that's 32% less. I'm good at at least one thing ;) 'twas a bitch to push that cart home though.....everything fit much better before it was bagged up. At least the kitchen's full now (it's been SOOOOOO long since the freezer was full, I'd totally forgotten what a heavy fridge/freezer door can feel like), and there's plenty to munch on while we kinda-sorta quit smoking.
This afternoon, I received two checks from the bank....one was the 401k check, the other I guess was my last-last paycheck. It was enough to pay the rent and phone bill, finally get laundry quarters, buy cigs, pay back a couple people, and if we're lucky, B/r can get some necessary hormones. I'm sure I've forgotten something.........meh, at least my stress level has dropped significantly, and I can function closer to "normal" again for a while :)
All that flour we've eaten recently has caught up with us too.....my tummy's kinda annoyed with me now. We'll be having bacon and eggs and coffee tonite to help flush things out.....
Today's been a bit of a day off for me, since I spent so much time running around getting caught up -- tomorrow I'll head out and check on other things. Tonite, I'll work on other things that I've had to postpone.
'scuse me, Mother Nature wants to have a word with me......
I gotta get on a normal sleep schedule, the days are running together.
[insert happy dancing smiley here]
Today was a very, very good day. The Quest card was activated, and somehow I ended up with $300 credit. Better believe I not only went grocery shopping, I did some stocking up as well. Got $270-worth of food for $180....that's 32% less. I'm good at at least one thing ;) 'twas a bitch to push that cart home though.....everything fit much better before it was bagged up. At least the kitchen's full now (it's been SOOOOOO long since the freezer was full, I'd totally forgotten what a heavy fridge/freezer door can feel like), and there's plenty to munch on while we kinda-sorta quit smoking.
This afternoon, I received two checks from the bank....one was the 401k check, the other I guess was my last-last paycheck. It was enough to pay the rent and phone bill, finally get laundry quarters, buy cigs, pay back a couple people, and if we're lucky, B/r can get some necessary hormones. I'm sure I've forgotten something.........meh, at least my stress level has dropped significantly, and I can function closer to "normal" again for a while :)
All that flour we've eaten recently has caught up with us too.....my tummy's kinda annoyed with me now. We'll be having bacon and eggs and coffee tonite to help flush things out.....
Today's been a bit of a day off for me, since I spent so much time running around getting caught up -- tomorrow I'll head out and check on other things. Tonite, I'll work on other things that I've had to postpone.
'scuse me, Mother Nature wants to have a word with me......
...............................................
Wednesday?
dunno......
This'll be my last regular blog for a while, tomorrow the phone will go bye-bye for who knows how long (maybe until July, we'll see).
The Quest card (food stamps) will be active as soon as Friday, don't know when for certain though. Talk about fucked up -- oversights and miscommunications and passed bucks, oh my! At least I'll be able to buy food soon. Me and B/r have to attend their work program though.....B/r won't be able to and yet another reason to get her to a doc quick. I'm not sure I want to, since I'm already looking and the "seminar" location is a long ways away. Can't afford bus fare, bit too far to walk IMO, B/r would never make it either. I know I need to make the effort though, so we'll keep getting assistance. But after the aggravation they caused me........ugh, gotta swallow that pride.
((((swipes ketchup packets))))
Gotta walk there tomorrow anyway to check out a zillion things; if the phone's off, it'll be difficult to find a job so maybe I can get help with that.....there's all kinds of medical/disability/assorted other assistance prospects to check out, so I might as well see what happens.
I checked out Social Security -- nope, won't happen. Got a bag of food from the Cathedral, it might last until Friday (a few cans and a box of oyster crackers). No cash for cigs, so I've been munching, and we're taking advantage to quit for the time being. We'll start back up again I'm sure since this isn't as voluntary as we'd prefer......but hey, I've learn that you don't talk back to the Universe ;)
Found loads of things today: lots of partial cigs, a burger, scads of sugar packets (swiped, actually), a working ink pen, and 13 cents. Saw other stuff like drinks and papers and bus schedules, probably plenty I don't remember too. In the past few days I've also found some of those little keychain card thingies you get for discounts at the grocery store.....dunno why I've kept them, they aren't for nearby stores.....guess it's just cuz I'm a packrat by nature, even moreso now.
Found the state unemployment office too, after searching and walking all over. Got there after closing time of course (of course), going back tomorrow to see what I can see.
Across the street from the Capital is yet another little diner.......this particular corner is great for business, but great for non-business too it seems. Something new opens there every few months, and the latest place is hiring waitstaff, so I'll probably head that way tomorrow too. Got my paws on what seemed to be the last Subway application in town.....one nice little place inside a municipal building is accepting apps, and I think the little convenience store next to it is too.....
So.........after tomorrow, I'll hafta use the library computers.........whadda pain.
dunno......
This'll be my last regular blog for a while, tomorrow the phone will go bye-bye for who knows how long (maybe until July, we'll see).
The Quest card (food stamps) will be active as soon as Friday, don't know when for certain though. Talk about fucked up -- oversights and miscommunications and passed bucks, oh my! At least I'll be able to buy food soon. Me and B/r have to attend their work program though.....B/r won't be able to and yet another reason to get her to a doc quick. I'm not sure I want to, since I'm already looking and the "seminar" location is a long ways away. Can't afford bus fare, bit too far to walk IMO, B/r would never make it either. I know I need to make the effort though, so we'll keep getting assistance. But after the aggravation they caused me........ugh, gotta swallow that pride.
((((swipes ketchup packets))))
Gotta walk there tomorrow anyway to check out a zillion things; if the phone's off, it'll be difficult to find a job so maybe I can get help with that.....there's all kinds of medical/disability/assorted other assistance prospects to check out, so I might as well see what happens.
I checked out Social Security -- nope, won't happen. Got a bag of food from the Cathedral, it might last until Friday (a few cans and a box of oyster crackers). No cash for cigs, so I've been munching, and we're taking advantage to quit for the time being. We'll start back up again I'm sure since this isn't as voluntary as we'd prefer......but hey, I've learn that you don't talk back to the Universe ;)
Found loads of things today: lots of partial cigs, a burger, scads of sugar packets (swiped, actually), a working ink pen, and 13 cents. Saw other stuff like drinks and papers and bus schedules, probably plenty I don't remember too. In the past few days I've also found some of those little keychain card thingies you get for discounts at the grocery store.....dunno why I've kept them, they aren't for nearby stores.....guess it's just cuz I'm a packrat by nature, even moreso now.
Found the state unemployment office too, after searching and walking all over. Got there after closing time of course (of course), going back tomorrow to see what I can see.
Across the street from the Capital is yet another little diner.......this particular corner is great for business, but great for non-business too it seems. Something new opens there every few months, and the latest place is hiring waitstaff, so I'll probably head that way tomorrow too. Got my paws on what seemed to be the last Subway application in town.....one nice little place inside a municipal building is accepting apps, and I think the little convenience store next to it is too.....
So.........after tomorrow, I'll hafta use the library computers.........whadda pain.
...............................................
Sunday, May 02, 2004
y'know............it just occurred to me that in a twisted way, I'm very fortunate to be living in the über-metro part of a large urban area that has an obscenely high homelessness rate.
There's a lot of people to learn from. There's a lot of resources at my disposal. I can easily find something to smoke, something to eat, somewhere to sleep (I'm noticing nooks and crannies everywhere now, for probably more than just some reason), even places to bathe and poop. Being homeless would suck in a depressingly unfun way, but it wouldn't be that difficult. A little adventurous even.
note to self: it'd still suck
There's a lot of people to learn from. There's a lot of resources at my disposal. I can easily find something to smoke, something to eat, somewhere to sleep (I'm noticing nooks and crannies everywhere now, for probably more than just some reason), even places to bathe and poop. Being homeless would suck in a depressingly unfun way, but it wouldn't be that difficult. A little adventurous even.
note to self: it'd still suck
...............................................
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Saturday:
The tobacco was gone already so I had to scrounge out the last of our disposed cig butts first thing in the morning. Got two cigs from it (left the rest for B/r), and checked some email over a trash cig and hot tea. Yay, whadda anecdote to tell someday. B/r checked around but couldn't score any cash or cigs, so I got dressed and went out wandering to see what I could drum up. Today I felt like brushing my teeth and hair; found some St. John's wart in the pantry the other night, and started taking some.....I think it might be helping already.
Oh yeah -- the paperwork for cashing in my Cash Balance account came in, so I filled it out quick and mailed it right back out. Should get around $3500-$4000 around July 1. Hope it won't be too late, and won't need to be wasted on paying off a zillion debts -- I hope it can be used for moving foward, rather than filling in holes in the past.
I first stopped at the nearby church where I got the food bank info, and used their phone to call T (who wasn't home) and the landlady. She was fine with waiting for the rent, and understood the situation; I'll just keep her updated, and take care of the late fees as soon as possible. G'head and assume I was extremely relieved -- I was.
Ended up at the Cinco de Mayo festival, where I got a couple free samples to eat and watched for dropped money and other valuables. Didn't find anything, and although I could've easily swiped a wallet or two, I didn't even think about it (and I'm glad I didn't); decided I should leave any hidden "treasures" for the homeless folks who live in that park anyway.
I've started checking dumpsters behind restaurants a lot more frequently -- the other day I saw a whole order of cinnamon sticks and half a pizza, both still in their boxes and in perfect condition. They were too far inside the dumpster though, and I was too worn out to go diving. B/r wouldn't have eaten it anyway, and although I apparently will eat disposed food (a bit more significant than charity food), if B/r won't eat it, neither will I. I won't eat while others go hungry.
Anyway, I visited an old friend whom I haven't seen in a couple years, and he loaned me $20. I got cigs (and it's very difficult to not chainsmoke now), then came home and emailed a couple people. I also called about the cat......and he's gone now. The severity of what I had to do will undoubtedly hit me later on, but it already feels "worse than awful" as I told someone else.
Well.......after I while I went to the grocery store and got $5 worth of groceries that should last a couple days, until the Quest card is activated (I'm actually very good at miserly shopping). Nabbed some sugar packets and soy sauce packets as well, and here I am.
Next I'll be cleaning up the kitchen, then I'll make chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, roti, and corn on the cob. We've eaten so little lately that even tho the portions will be scant (except the corn), we'll be full. Later I might work on that adult site (need to), or possibly work on a Sims project I had to abandon, but ought to get to a better stopping point while the phone's still on. Need to check craigslist.org too, see what's new. There's a couple job ads I never got around to calling about, one's for a Mother's Day thing, so the quick cash will be quite handy.
I'm glad I've accomplished so much the past couple days, and so much has worked out better than worse.....feels kinda good, and I'd like to spend tomorrow not worrying about anything, maybe do something unproductive like watch TV, ideally without feeling guilty for doing something unproductive. We shall see......
And........I'm watching myself turn into one of those little old men from the Depression era, who hordes sugar packets and counts pennies. I'll decide later if I'm happy about that or not.
The tobacco was gone already so I had to scrounge out the last of our disposed cig butts first thing in the morning. Got two cigs from it (left the rest for B/r), and checked some email over a trash cig and hot tea. Yay, whadda anecdote to tell someday. B/r checked around but couldn't score any cash or cigs, so I got dressed and went out wandering to see what I could drum up. Today I felt like brushing my teeth and hair; found some St. John's wart in the pantry the other night, and started taking some.....I think it might be helping already.
Oh yeah -- the paperwork for cashing in my Cash Balance account came in, so I filled it out quick and mailed it right back out. Should get around $3500-$4000 around July 1. Hope it won't be too late, and won't need to be wasted on paying off a zillion debts -- I hope it can be used for moving foward, rather than filling in holes in the past.
I first stopped at the nearby church where I got the food bank info, and used their phone to call T (who wasn't home) and the landlady. She was fine with waiting for the rent, and understood the situation; I'll just keep her updated, and take care of the late fees as soon as possible. G'head and assume I was extremely relieved -- I was.
Ended up at the Cinco de Mayo festival, where I got a couple free samples to eat and watched for dropped money and other valuables. Didn't find anything, and although I could've easily swiped a wallet or two, I didn't even think about it (and I'm glad I didn't); decided I should leave any hidden "treasures" for the homeless folks who live in that park anyway.
I've started checking dumpsters behind restaurants a lot more frequently -- the other day I saw a whole order of cinnamon sticks and half a pizza, both still in their boxes and in perfect condition. They were too far inside the dumpster though, and I was too worn out to go diving. B/r wouldn't have eaten it anyway, and although I apparently will eat disposed food (a bit more significant than charity food), if B/r won't eat it, neither will I. I won't eat while others go hungry.
Anyway, I visited an old friend whom I haven't seen in a couple years, and he loaned me $20. I got cigs (and it's very difficult to not chainsmoke now), then came home and emailed a couple people. I also called about the cat......and he's gone now. The severity of what I had to do will undoubtedly hit me later on, but it already feels "worse than awful" as I told someone else.
Well.......after I while I went to the grocery store and got $5 worth of groceries that should last a couple days, until the Quest card is activated (I'm actually very good at miserly shopping). Nabbed some sugar packets and soy sauce packets as well, and here I am.
Next I'll be cleaning up the kitchen, then I'll make chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, roti, and corn on the cob. We've eaten so little lately that even tho the portions will be scant (except the corn), we'll be full. Later I might work on that adult site (need to), or possibly work on a Sims project I had to abandon, but ought to get to a better stopping point while the phone's still on. Need to check craigslist.org too, see what's new. There's a couple job ads I never got around to calling about, one's for a Mother's Day thing, so the quick cash will be quite handy.
I'm glad I've accomplished so much the past couple days, and so much has worked out better than worse.....feels kinda good, and I'd like to spend tomorrow not worrying about anything, maybe do something unproductive like watch TV, ideally without feeling guilty for doing something unproductive. We shall see......
And........I'm watching myself turn into one of those little old men from the Depression era, who hordes sugar packets and counts pennies. I'll decide later if I'm happy about that or not.
...............................................
later Friday:
See if I remember this......it was cold and drizzly again, mostly snowing all day. Made for a fun walkabout ;)
I don't remember the order I did this stuff, but --
-- went to the bank, spoke with another former manager who didn't ask me how I was doing, was told to call the HR rep for that department; called her, learned she's out of town until next week, and I could call her cell number; couldn't because it's a local number and I'm too broke to use a payphone for local calls, and not interested in walking back home through the snow just to make a call that'll probably result in leaving a message/waiting forever/not getting the answer I need.
-- so I went to one of the public payphones and called the toll-free HR number. Learned that if a stock option isn't vested if we leave under certain circumstances (like mine), the options automatically terminate. So I learned I won't get money from there. Then switched to the 401k line because I'd received my paperwork for that, and the check's on its way: 70-80% of around $850, which will just cover the rent.
-- called Excel to see if LEAP had contacted them yet (just in case), learned they hadn't, and got the number I could call next week to find out faster.
-- wandered the building wondering what to do and watched for T to show up, got some more honey packets and checked around for discarded cigarettes; found several, along with a discarded McBreakfast bag that still had a whole potato-cake thing in it; T was either not working, parked elsewhere, or came in later.
-- I eventually left and ate the potato-cake, and found a shiny new quarter to replace the one I'd found last week (the day I saw M again) and lost on a wasted payphone call (the shitty day that was only redeemed by the gorgeous weather). Friday is apparently Quarter Day for me......at this rate, and if I hold onto them, I'll be able to do a load of laundry by the end of June. ((slaps hand for being so pathetic))
-- went to the Food Stamp office again and got my Quest card; it'll be activated by Tuesday, and I'll find out then how much I'll get. Was told to visit the medical center next door to check on Medicaid and other options; lucked out and got to speak to someone right away, and ended up with a card that'll get both of us cheap medical treatment and prescriptions; don't know yet if it'll cover hormones, or what I can do about urgent TG needs....need to check with a local transgender group to find out more.
-- went back to the bank hoping to catch the boss lady and ask if she could help in any way; didn't see her or anyone else, and finally left. Stopped by a store on the way home and got a book of matches.
-- got home and processed all the partial cigarettes, and ended up with a very large pile of good tobacco (that place is great for half-smoked cigs, lotta wasteful employees who take two puffs and run back to their desks, and smoke good namebrands to boot). Poked around online and found some great simple recipes, including some for yummy roti & chapati (Indian flat breads); made fried rice and experimented with corn meal and flour; made more pretzels, but couldn't finish because my hands were too tired to roll the dough. Finally went to bed, exhausted but glad I'd accomplished a couple things.
See if I remember this......it was cold and drizzly again, mostly snowing all day. Made for a fun walkabout ;)
I don't remember the order I did this stuff, but --
-- went to the bank, spoke with another former manager who didn't ask me how I was doing, was told to call the HR rep for that department; called her, learned she's out of town until next week, and I could call her cell number; couldn't because it's a local number and I'm too broke to use a payphone for local calls, and not interested in walking back home through the snow just to make a call that'll probably result in leaving a message/waiting forever/not getting the answer I need.
-- so I went to one of the public payphones and called the toll-free HR number. Learned that if a stock option isn't vested if we leave under certain circumstances (like mine), the options automatically terminate. So I learned I won't get money from there. Then switched to the 401k line because I'd received my paperwork for that, and the check's on its way: 70-80% of around $850, which will just cover the rent.
-- called Excel to see if LEAP had contacted them yet (just in case), learned they hadn't, and got the number I could call next week to find out faster.
-- wandered the building wondering what to do and watched for T to show up, got some more honey packets and checked around for discarded cigarettes; found several, along with a discarded McBreakfast bag that still had a whole potato-cake thing in it; T was either not working, parked elsewhere, or came in later.
-- I eventually left and ate the potato-cake, and found a shiny new quarter to replace the one I'd found last week (the day I saw M again) and lost on a wasted payphone call (the shitty day that was only redeemed by the gorgeous weather). Friday is apparently Quarter Day for me......at this rate, and if I hold onto them, I'll be able to do a load of laundry by the end of June. ((slaps hand for being so pathetic))
-- went to the Food Stamp office again and got my Quest card; it'll be activated by Tuesday, and I'll find out then how much I'll get. Was told to visit the medical center next door to check on Medicaid and other options; lucked out and got to speak to someone right away, and ended up with a card that'll get both of us cheap medical treatment and prescriptions; don't know yet if it'll cover hormones, or what I can do about urgent TG needs....need to check with a local transgender group to find out more.
-- went back to the bank hoping to catch the boss lady and ask if she could help in any way; didn't see her or anyone else, and finally left. Stopped by a store on the way home and got a book of matches.
-- got home and processed all the partial cigarettes, and ended up with a very large pile of good tobacco (that place is great for half-smoked cigs, lotta wasteful employees who take two puffs and run back to their desks, and smoke good namebrands to boot). Poked around online and found some great simple recipes, including some for yummy roti & chapati (Indian flat breads); made fried rice and experimented with corn meal and flour; made more pretzels, but couldn't finish because my hands were too tired to roll the dough. Finally went to bed, exhausted but glad I'd accomplished a couple things.
...............................................
Friday, April 30, 2004
Friday cont'd:
So tonite we've been rooting through the trash and squeezing out every bit of leftover tobacco from the butts. Got enough to make several cigs, so we're not freaked out from nicotine withdrawals.
A very good thing.
Nearly all the food's gone too, but maybe I can get some food stamps later today. I can at least check around the food banks, see what's available. Just hope we don't get something handed to us.....I'd much rather choose it myself, if it's at all possible. Yeah I know, beggars can't be choosers, but :P I don't want to end up with three cans of pinto beans and some baby formula.
Gotta lot to do today too -- need to go to the bank again and try to borrow some money......since I haven't been paid yet, we'll be hopelessly broke for quite a while. Plus, I need to find out what the hell is up with my employee status -- if my stock options were terminated, and that only happens if I'm terminated -- which I wasn't -- somebody somewhere has reeeeally fucked something up. After speaking with whomever, I'll call HR and check on my stocks again, see if they'll listen to reason. Doubt it, but if I stay in this mood, I'll raise a good deal of hell.
Go to the FS office again and hopefully speak with someone. Call the landlady (finally), make appointments for food bank visits, and maybe call about the cat.
Check the mail, and if the 401k paperwork appears, fill it out and return it pronto.
Figure out what else needs done.
Oh yeah -- I got my last check, it was $40. Woohoo. Got cigs and groceries, and the cash is all gone now......at least it lasted a week, did pretty good in that respect. Got my state tax refund too -- $270 or so. Stupid me did it online and checked the "Direct Deposit" box.......so since I was obscenely overdrawn, and the refund went straight into the account (I KNEW I shoulda gotten a check one more time), I'm now only moderately overdrawn......$140 or so. Won't stay there of course, the damn account's going haywire with all the bouncing and fees.
And, one of these past couple days I've tried to call home collect. Nobody was home, and I keep forgetting to try again. Need to, anything will help.
And I'm still freaked out about sending the cat to the animal shelter. God, please take care of him, at least let him get fixed up again. I miss him terribly, and hate that I couldn't do more to help him. I'm also horrified that it's the beginning of the end, and the worst is yet to come -- please God, don't let me and B/r end up the same way. Let us get things straightened out, and move on with our lives in a healthy way.
So tonite we've been rooting through the trash and squeezing out every bit of leftover tobacco from the butts. Got enough to make several cigs, so we're not freaked out from nicotine withdrawals.
A very good thing.
Nearly all the food's gone too, but maybe I can get some food stamps later today. I can at least check around the food banks, see what's available. Just hope we don't get something handed to us.....I'd much rather choose it myself, if it's at all possible. Yeah I know, beggars can't be choosers, but :P I don't want to end up with three cans of pinto beans and some baby formula.
Gotta lot to do today too -- need to go to the bank again and try to borrow some money......since I haven't been paid yet, we'll be hopelessly broke for quite a while. Plus, I need to find out what the hell is up with my employee status -- if my stock options were terminated, and that only happens if I'm terminated -- which I wasn't -- somebody somewhere has reeeeally fucked something up. After speaking with whomever, I'll call HR and check on my stocks again, see if they'll listen to reason. Doubt it, but if I stay in this mood, I'll raise a good deal of hell.
Go to the FS office again and hopefully speak with someone. Call the landlady (finally), make appointments for food bank visits, and maybe call about the cat.
Check the mail, and if the 401k paperwork appears, fill it out and return it pronto.
Figure out what else needs done.
Oh yeah -- I got my last check, it was $40. Woohoo. Got cigs and groceries, and the cash is all gone now......at least it lasted a week, did pretty good in that respect. Got my state tax refund too -- $270 or so. Stupid me did it online and checked the "Direct Deposit" box.......so since I was obscenely overdrawn, and the refund went straight into the account (I KNEW I shoulda gotten a check one more time), I'm now only moderately overdrawn......$140 or so. Won't stay there of course, the damn account's going haywire with all the bouncing and fees.
And, one of these past couple days I've tried to call home collect. Nobody was home, and I keep forgetting to try again. Need to, anything will help.
And I'm still freaked out about sending the cat to the animal shelter. God, please take care of him, at least let him get fixed up again. I miss him terribly, and hate that I couldn't do more to help him. I'm also horrified that it's the beginning of the end, and the worst is yet to come -- please God, don't let me and B/r end up the same way. Let us get things straightened out, and move on with our lives in a healthy way.
...............................................
Friday:
This'll be a recap of the week so far, so it'll be long.
Weekend:
Worked on the adult site. Think I got some things figured out.....but no site finished yet, can't get the chance to focus enough.
Monday:
Don't quite remember, but there was a lot of scrounging done......I know I called about cashing in my 401k, and the paperwork was sent out. I should get it in a week, "the check" (what I was told) a week after returning the paperwork, and my Cash Balance funds around July first.
Tuesday:
Finally got to work on the Food Stamps application, and printed out the LEAP application. Gathered what I'd need for my 11am FS appointment the next day; discovered I'd need a letter from work. Went down to the bank around 5 or so, hoping to catch my former manager. Didn't, but saw several former coworkers....one of whom stopped as he passed, and asked what was going on with me. I couldn't look at him for some reason, and just mumbled something about vacation. Felt awful afterwards. That night, I discovered a legit gaming site where I might be able to work up a few bucks, a little at a time. GameAccount.com, if anyone's interested. Cool place so far, but you'll need Macromedia Shockwave (they take care of that too, if you don't have it).
Spent our last few dollars on a pack of cigs and bag of Top tobacco (so we'd have tobacco and papers) -- B/r had gotten some comp weed so her pains and headaches were in check again, but I had to get thirty bucks by the first.
Wednesday:
Beautiful day, which made up for all the shitty stuff.
Got up early, but the morning was wonky and distracting, so I was almost late to the Food Stamp office (wasn't, just tired from walking so fast). Waited an hour and a half, and learned that I'd been skipped over before the person who was supposed to see me went to lunch. It was nice and quiet until the 1 o'clocks arrived -- someone needed help filling out his forms, several small children loudly ran loose, Number 25 couldn't speak English and didn't know he'd been called, Number 26 was helped but nobody behind the counter made note of it and kept calling for him, and some long-time recipient was loudly and obscenely bitching about nothing at all and subsequently stressing out the whole room. So, the woman behind the counter copied what I'd remembered to bring, then told me to watch my mailbox for a response within a week and shooed me out. I'd forgotten my Social Security card of all things (just assumed I had it), forgotten to hand her a medical bill, and still needed a letter from work. Decided I'd gather the rest and return later with the LEAP application (since that office was in the same building).
Went to the bank to track down that letter; my manager was in and told me I had to call the Human Resources number and get some referral numbers, that's the only way it was done now. Didn't ask how I was doing or anything, which bothered me.
I went upstairs to use a payphone that's in a normally quiet area. Called HR and started to get complete instructions on that referral procedure, just as a meeting let out and a herd of well-dressed and poorly-mannered women gabbed and stampeded to the bathrooms (located by the phone). I asked them repeatedly to please be quiet -- when someone's on the phone, you're supposed to shut the hell up, and they looked like the kind of dames who damn well knew it -- and they replied with seething glares and continued chatter. Five minutes later I finally learned the procedure and got my referral numbers.
Switched over to the stock option section, and learned my shares had been terminated. According to their FAQ section, that only happens when you're fired -- and I wasn't fired. Still need to check back on that and find out what exactly happened.
By this point I was very stressed and struggling to contain my emotions. I called Excel to learn where I stood with them, and spoke with the same woman who'd referred me to LEAP a month or two ago. She chided me for applying at the last minute, even when I explained that I hadn't qualified until the last minute. The shut-off date is May 6th, but if my LEAP app is accepted, that date will be postponed for an undetermined amount of time.
Called Qwest.....shut-off is also the 6th, and I'm SOL as far as they're concerned. Pay it or do without.
Last call to make was to the landlady, but it was a local call so I had to spend money. Used the quarter I'd found last week.......got her voicemail. Left the number and waited half an hour, and of course she didn't call back (or that phone didn't accept incoming calls). As I waited, another former coworker left the bathroom and asked if I was back; I just told her I'd quit so I wouldn't be fired for being late so much. She offered her condolences, but rushed to work.
I had half a cigarette that I'd found earlier that day around the Food Stamp office, so I stepped outside to smoke it, and recoup. Went back inside, to finish recouping. Checked the time -- nearly 3:30 -- had over an hour to get home, grab what I needed for the applications, and return to the FS office before they closed at five.
I stopped at a nearby church on the way home to ask about food banks, and waited fifteen minutes for them to find and print out updated info. They didn't have anything there, I'd have to call elsewhere and make more appointments. But I could also stop by certain locations at certain times, and get lunch. So that was something.
Went home, did the LEAP application, gathered up most everything (asked the apartment manager for a rent receipt, and after his little attitude display he said he'd slip it under the door later) and went back to the Food Stamp office. Got there shortly before five -- learned they close at 4:30. Went home and finally tried to relax.........we scrounged up something to eat (don't remember what), and I later made homemade pretzels because it only requires a few ingredients that we actually had (except fresh yeast, old yeast still seemed to work).
Thursday:
We'd used up all the rolling papers but still had a little tobacco left, so I went up the street to a former neighbour's to get some extra papers, and the guy actually answered the door for a change. Had a cigarette, which helped me calm down (which was a very good thing at that point), then wandered aimlessly online for a little while.
Around 2pm, I went to the local shopping area to jobhunt and try to see the former coworker whom I'd seen the day before by the payphone. She works at the grocery store, but by the time I realized she wouldn't be leaving until three, I was already down there.....and today, it was cold and drizzly. Checked for jobs, of course nobody's hiring (except the coffeeshop where I'd never last), tried to see the coworker whom I'd thought would've helped, but she'd already left.
So I went home, warmed up, ate a pretzel, collected my wits and papers, and went up to the FS office again. Got there just as they were leaving, but handed over two of the three things I'd forgotton on Wednesday; I'd forgotten something again, go figure. I asked if I'd be able to speak with someone the next day, and was told I could. I turned in my LEAP app, was told since my account was on termination notice the app would be an "emergency" and postpone the termination for 90 days.
I walked to the bank to call Excel (had an itch), and started feeling a smidge better about things. Excel said the termination wasn't postponed yet, and that LEAP would have to do their thing first -- of course, gotta wait for the paperwork to be processed. I need to check back later and see how it's going....makes sense. But still a bit bothersome....kinda shattered what little good feeling I had.
Waited around at the bank, just in case someone might pass by on break....nobody did, and I was dozing off. I swiped some honey packets from the little cafe there (ate two, never eaten condiments as a meal before but figured honey's a bit more than a condiment) so we'd have something for the pretzels, then toured the ashtrays on the way home and scored some half-cigs.
Got home and learned that the cat was not only incredibly sick, he was extremely near-deathly sick. B/r had called some vets, but nobody could come get him or would help him for free (or close to it); the animal shelters would though, but that meant giving away the cat. So when the cat came back in the house, he was yowling and obviously in great pain; something was very, very wrong with his intestines, and he REALLY needed to pass something. Not knowing what else to do, and feeling I had no other choice, I called the animal shelters.........and only Animal Control was able to come out.
So we gave away the cat tonite, and tomorrow -- if I can, not sure I'll be willing or able to -- I can call to see what their vet could do, and what Zig's fate is........
Needless to say, I collapsed in uncontrollable sobbing after the Animal Control guy took Zig. I've been a tad stressed, and losing the cat was too much to handle.....the dam broke, and boy did it break good.
to be continued...
This'll be a recap of the week so far, so it'll be long.
Weekend:
Worked on the adult site. Think I got some things figured out.....but no site finished yet, can't get the chance to focus enough.
Monday:
Don't quite remember, but there was a lot of scrounging done......I know I called about cashing in my 401k, and the paperwork was sent out. I should get it in a week, "the check" (what I was told) a week after returning the paperwork, and my Cash Balance funds around July first.
Tuesday:
Finally got to work on the Food Stamps application, and printed out the LEAP application. Gathered what I'd need for my 11am FS appointment the next day; discovered I'd need a letter from work. Went down to the bank around 5 or so, hoping to catch my former manager. Didn't, but saw several former coworkers....one of whom stopped as he passed, and asked what was going on with me. I couldn't look at him for some reason, and just mumbled something about vacation. Felt awful afterwards. That night, I discovered a legit gaming site where I might be able to work up a few bucks, a little at a time. GameAccount.com, if anyone's interested. Cool place so far, but you'll need Macromedia Shockwave (they take care of that too, if you don't have it).
Spent our last few dollars on a pack of cigs and bag of Top tobacco (so we'd have tobacco and papers) -- B/r had gotten some comp weed so her pains and headaches were in check again, but I had to get thirty bucks by the first.
Wednesday:
Beautiful day, which made up for all the shitty stuff.
Got up early, but the morning was wonky and distracting, so I was almost late to the Food Stamp office (wasn't, just tired from walking so fast). Waited an hour and a half, and learned that I'd been skipped over before the person who was supposed to see me went to lunch. It was nice and quiet until the 1 o'clocks arrived -- someone needed help filling out his forms, several small children loudly ran loose, Number 25 couldn't speak English and didn't know he'd been called, Number 26 was helped but nobody behind the counter made note of it and kept calling for him, and some long-time recipient was loudly and obscenely bitching about nothing at all and subsequently stressing out the whole room. So, the woman behind the counter copied what I'd remembered to bring, then told me to watch my mailbox for a response within a week and shooed me out. I'd forgotten my Social Security card of all things (just assumed I had it), forgotten to hand her a medical bill, and still needed a letter from work. Decided I'd gather the rest and return later with the LEAP application (since that office was in the same building).
Went to the bank to track down that letter; my manager was in and told me I had to call the Human Resources number and get some referral numbers, that's the only way it was done now. Didn't ask how I was doing or anything, which bothered me.
I went upstairs to use a payphone that's in a normally quiet area. Called HR and started to get complete instructions on that referral procedure, just as a meeting let out and a herd of well-dressed and poorly-mannered women gabbed and stampeded to the bathrooms (located by the phone). I asked them repeatedly to please be quiet -- when someone's on the phone, you're supposed to shut the hell up, and they looked like the kind of dames who damn well knew it -- and they replied with seething glares and continued chatter. Five minutes later I finally learned the procedure and got my referral numbers.
Switched over to the stock option section, and learned my shares had been terminated. According to their FAQ section, that only happens when you're fired -- and I wasn't fired. Still need to check back on that and find out what exactly happened.
By this point I was very stressed and struggling to contain my emotions. I called Excel to learn where I stood with them, and spoke with the same woman who'd referred me to LEAP a month or two ago. She chided me for applying at the last minute, even when I explained that I hadn't qualified until the last minute. The shut-off date is May 6th, but if my LEAP app is accepted, that date will be postponed for an undetermined amount of time.
Called Qwest.....shut-off is also the 6th, and I'm SOL as far as they're concerned. Pay it or do without.
Last call to make was to the landlady, but it was a local call so I had to spend money. Used the quarter I'd found last week.......got her voicemail. Left the number and waited half an hour, and of course she didn't call back (or that phone didn't accept incoming calls). As I waited, another former coworker left the bathroom and asked if I was back; I just told her I'd quit so I wouldn't be fired for being late so much. She offered her condolences, but rushed to work.
I had half a cigarette that I'd found earlier that day around the Food Stamp office, so I stepped outside to smoke it, and recoup. Went back inside, to finish recouping. Checked the time -- nearly 3:30 -- had over an hour to get home, grab what I needed for the applications, and return to the FS office before they closed at five.
I stopped at a nearby church on the way home to ask about food banks, and waited fifteen minutes for them to find and print out updated info. They didn't have anything there, I'd have to call elsewhere and make more appointments. But I could also stop by certain locations at certain times, and get lunch. So that was something.
Went home, did the LEAP application, gathered up most everything (asked the apartment manager for a rent receipt, and after his little attitude display he said he'd slip it under the door later) and went back to the Food Stamp office. Got there shortly before five -- learned they close at 4:30. Went home and finally tried to relax.........we scrounged up something to eat (don't remember what), and I later made homemade pretzels because it only requires a few ingredients that we actually had (except fresh yeast, old yeast still seemed to work).
Thursday:
We'd used up all the rolling papers but still had a little tobacco left, so I went up the street to a former neighbour's to get some extra papers, and the guy actually answered the door for a change. Had a cigarette, which helped me calm down (which was a very good thing at that point), then wandered aimlessly online for a little while.
Around 2pm, I went to the local shopping area to jobhunt and try to see the former coworker whom I'd seen the day before by the payphone. She works at the grocery store, but by the time I realized she wouldn't be leaving until three, I was already down there.....and today, it was cold and drizzly. Checked for jobs, of course nobody's hiring (except the coffeeshop where I'd never last), tried to see the coworker whom I'd thought would've helped, but she'd already left.
So I went home, warmed up, ate a pretzel, collected my wits and papers, and went up to the FS office again. Got there just as they were leaving, but handed over two of the three things I'd forgotton on Wednesday; I'd forgotten something again, go figure. I asked if I'd be able to speak with someone the next day, and was told I could. I turned in my LEAP app, was told since my account was on termination notice the app would be an "emergency" and postpone the termination for 90 days.
I walked to the bank to call Excel (had an itch), and started feeling a smidge better about things. Excel said the termination wasn't postponed yet, and that LEAP would have to do their thing first -- of course, gotta wait for the paperwork to be processed. I need to check back later and see how it's going....makes sense. But still a bit bothersome....kinda shattered what little good feeling I had.
Waited around at the bank, just in case someone might pass by on break....nobody did, and I was dozing off. I swiped some honey packets from the little cafe there (ate two, never eaten condiments as a meal before but figured honey's a bit more than a condiment) so we'd have something for the pretzels, then toured the ashtrays on the way home and scored some half-cigs.
Got home and learned that the cat was not only incredibly sick, he was extremely near-deathly sick. B/r had called some vets, but nobody could come get him or would help him for free (or close to it); the animal shelters would though, but that meant giving away the cat. So when the cat came back in the house, he was yowling and obviously in great pain; something was very, very wrong with his intestines, and he REALLY needed to pass something. Not knowing what else to do, and feeling I had no other choice, I called the animal shelters.........and only Animal Control was able to come out.
So we gave away the cat tonite, and tomorrow -- if I can, not sure I'll be willing or able to -- I can call to see what their vet could do, and what Zig's fate is........
Needless to say, I collapsed in uncontrollable sobbing after the Animal Control guy took Zig. I've been a tad stressed, and losing the cat was too much to handle.....the dam broke, and boy did it break good.
to be continued...
...............................................
Friday, April 23, 2004
Friday
Wednesday and Thursday were pretty uneventful. I've slept quite a lot lately, felt bad for it, but at least I'm not as sick as I was. Out of coffee though. Which sucks.
Tomorrow I'll be trudging through the snowstorm to see if I qualify for Food Stamps. I checked a site earlier today, and it pretty much said "crap, you need immediate help," so it was awkwardly refreshing to see someone agree that my current situation's rather bad. Hopefully they'll say the same at the Food Stamp place, might even get a few bucks right away. We have food, but it's not going to last.
Haven't gotten my PIN yet, so I don't know exactly how much my 401k will be; however, I did find a statement from the last quarter which said I had roughly a thousand dollars, which was what I'd guessed. That'll pay the rent, maybe something else. Depends on how overdrawn I am by then, whether or not we can pay late yet again, and who else tries to stake their claim. After that at some point, I should get four grand from my Cash Balance plan, might not be until the first of June though.......be nice if that happens. Very nice. Helpful even.
Tonite I think I'm going to step out and see if I can scrounge up cig money. Might try out some of these vending machine.......methods.......I've heard about. Not sure yet, but when you're penniless, you're penniless.
Yesterday was moderately better, moderately more difficult.........I went to another grocery store to see if they'd take a check -- didn't, Telecheck's got me on their shit list now (again) -- and as I drew near, I spotted someone quite attractive getting into his vehicle at the end of the street. The profile was familiar........I glanced in while passing, and it was M. He gave me a ride, so that was two nice things that happened -- it was raining, so a ride was welcome, and I got to see M.
The next good thing that happened was finding a quarter on the street.
The not-so-good thing that happened was spending the rest of the day getting M out of my mind. He has a daughter, and his life isn't perfect, but nowhere near as screwed up as mine. We've only run into each other a few times since we met two or three years ago, but I still feel as though we're already acquainted. It's odd, almost cosmic in a "New Age" kinda way.......and as much as it hurts, I need to stay away from him. Too much drama and overal BS content, I'd just drag him down.
On a lighter note, I'm trying out the online porn industry now, to see if I can make a few bucks that way too. Bloody confusing to do though...
Wednesday and Thursday were pretty uneventful. I've slept quite a lot lately, felt bad for it, but at least I'm not as sick as I was. Out of coffee though. Which sucks.
Tomorrow I'll be trudging through the snowstorm to see if I qualify for Food Stamps. I checked a site earlier today, and it pretty much said "crap, you need immediate help," so it was awkwardly refreshing to see someone agree that my current situation's rather bad. Hopefully they'll say the same at the Food Stamp place, might even get a few bucks right away. We have food, but it's not going to last.
Haven't gotten my PIN yet, so I don't know exactly how much my 401k will be; however, I did find a statement from the last quarter which said I had roughly a thousand dollars, which was what I'd guessed. That'll pay the rent, maybe something else. Depends on how overdrawn I am by then, whether or not we can pay late yet again, and who else tries to stake their claim. After that at some point, I should get four grand from my Cash Balance plan, might not be until the first of June though.......be nice if that happens. Very nice. Helpful even.
Tonite I think I'm going to step out and see if I can scrounge up cig money. Might try out some of these vending machine.......methods.......I've heard about. Not sure yet, but when you're penniless, you're penniless.
Yesterday was moderately better, moderately more difficult.........I went to another grocery store to see if they'd take a check -- didn't, Telecheck's got me on their shit list now (again) -- and as I drew near, I spotted someone quite attractive getting into his vehicle at the end of the street. The profile was familiar........I glanced in while passing, and it was M. He gave me a ride, so that was two nice things that happened -- it was raining, so a ride was welcome, and I got to see M.
The next good thing that happened was finding a quarter on the street.
The not-so-good thing that happened was spending the rest of the day getting M out of my mind. He has a daughter, and his life isn't perfect, but nowhere near as screwed up as mine. We've only run into each other a few times since we met two or three years ago, but I still feel as though we're already acquainted. It's odd, almost cosmic in a "New Age" kinda way.......and as much as it hurts, I need to stay away from him. Too much drama and overal BS content, I'd just drag him down.
On a lighter note, I'm trying out the online porn industry now, to see if I can make a few bucks that way too. Bloody confusing to do though...
...............................................
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Wednesday, a.m.
Am I a coward or less of a "man" because I don't want to get a couple hundred dollars for being in an amateur porn video?
I'm really confused about that one......most of me thinks I'm not, but part of me does...........and now that I know it's an option, I can't stop thinking I should do it..........
I'm feeling a bit better too, btw. Not hacking as much, spent most of the day sleeping (and feel very guilty for doing so, even though I needed the rest). Let's see what later today brings....
Am I a coward or less of a "man" because I don't want to get a couple hundred dollars for being in an amateur porn video?
I'm really confused about that one......most of me thinks I'm not, but part of me does...........and now that I know it's an option, I can't stop thinking I should do it..........
I'm feeling a bit better too, btw. Not hacking as much, spent most of the day sleeping (and feel very guilty for doing so, even though I needed the rest). Let's see what later today brings....
...............................................
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Dangit......
I need to learn how to type less. I talk too much.
Sorry 'bout that.
I need to learn how to type less. I talk too much.
Sorry 'bout that.
...............................................
Tuesday...
I'm sick.......
It comes and goes. Ugh, hating this mucho. Started back on Thursday or Friday, I thought it was just a little "baby cold" or something. Slightly sore throat, followed by slight congestion and ickiness.....then it pretty much went away by Sunday. I'd had it before, and kept thinking "jeez, colds have gotten so harmless these days, glad it's not the flu".......
But then yesterday, I started feeling like I was sick, feverish and chills, hacking up unpleasant things. This morning I remembered that the last couple times I felt that "baby cold" coming on, it ended in several days of nasty coughing and hacking. And it comes and goes, one minute (like now) I feel okay, but after a bit I'll spend ten minutes getting up to.........well, get rid of all this phlegm. It's pretty gross.
Shya..........so anyway, today's plans: call for help with the light bill, see if any of those charities still have money (I was led to believe there's a special program to help defer my energy costs, but turns out there's just a list of charities to call, see if they have money that month).
No word on that site promotion job, so piss on 'em. Placing an ad but not replying in a reasonable amount of time to say whether or not the job's still available, makes me question how the business is run.
Need to either get some toilet paper somewhere, or write another bad check at another grocery store. Timing's weird, not sure what to do.......on the one hand, writing the check now will look bad (I'm sure it's quite illegal), but the bank has taken to paying for these checks so at least it wouldn't go unpaid for a long time.............on the other hand, there's one other major store nearby where my check wouldn't be instantly rejected, and I'd prefer to save a trip until later, when it'd be needed more...........on the other hand (humour me), I need stuff now too, and would rather stock up...........
I'll think of something. Gonna head out in a bit to do some job hunting, even though it's a bit late in the day. There's a couple bars nearby, one in particular where I'd like to see someone to tell them I may be leaving town soon, sorry we never got to hook up.........not sure of my priorities there, seeing them one more time, or seeing if the place needs help.......
Not planning on bankruptcy right now, but probably should at least get a free consultation, since I may have a bit of cash arriving in a few weeks and that'd probably affect things. Need to find out what the effects on my living situation will be too, whether or not the landlord will evict us or give us a chance to pay up a couple month's of rent after the first........she's a good gal, and she'd do what she could..........but patience only lasts so long.........
I really should get to bed no later than midnight too.....probably won't, so I'd like to do some work on this site and one about the HUD refund scams. Doubt I'd get any sort of income from that, but I've considered contacting people myself to tell them they're due a refund, but instead of retaining part of the refund for myself, let it be an optional donation if they're so inclined....
Ach. I hate trying to function while I'm phlegmy. It's sooooooo gross and distracting.
I'm sick.......
It comes and goes. Ugh, hating this mucho. Started back on Thursday or Friday, I thought it was just a little "baby cold" or something. Slightly sore throat, followed by slight congestion and ickiness.....then it pretty much went away by Sunday. I'd had it before, and kept thinking "jeez, colds have gotten so harmless these days, glad it's not the flu".......
But then yesterday, I started feeling like I was sick, feverish and chills, hacking up unpleasant things. This morning I remembered that the last couple times I felt that "baby cold" coming on, it ended in several days of nasty coughing and hacking. And it comes and goes, one minute (like now) I feel okay, but after a bit I'll spend ten minutes getting up to.........well, get rid of all this phlegm. It's pretty gross.
Shya..........so anyway, today's plans: call for help with the light bill, see if any of those charities still have money (I was led to believe there's a special program to help defer my energy costs, but turns out there's just a list of charities to call, see if they have money that month).
No word on that site promotion job, so piss on 'em. Placing an ad but not replying in a reasonable amount of time to say whether or not the job's still available, makes me question how the business is run.
Need to either get some toilet paper somewhere, or write another bad check at another grocery store. Timing's weird, not sure what to do.......on the one hand, writing the check now will look bad (I'm sure it's quite illegal), but the bank has taken to paying for these checks so at least it wouldn't go unpaid for a long time.............on the other hand, there's one other major store nearby where my check wouldn't be instantly rejected, and I'd prefer to save a trip until later, when it'd be needed more...........on the other hand (humour me), I need stuff now too, and would rather stock up...........
I'll think of something. Gonna head out in a bit to do some job hunting, even though it's a bit late in the day. There's a couple bars nearby, one in particular where I'd like to see someone to tell them I may be leaving town soon, sorry we never got to hook up.........not sure of my priorities there, seeing them one more time, or seeing if the place needs help.......
Not planning on bankruptcy right now, but probably should at least get a free consultation, since I may have a bit of cash arriving in a few weeks and that'd probably affect things. Need to find out what the effects on my living situation will be too, whether or not the landlord will evict us or give us a chance to pay up a couple month's of rent after the first........she's a good gal, and she'd do what she could..........but patience only lasts so long.........
I really should get to bed no later than midnight too.....probably won't, so I'd like to do some work on this site and one about the HUD refund scams. Doubt I'd get any sort of income from that, but I've considered contacting people myself to tell them they're due a refund, but instead of retaining part of the refund for myself, let it be an optional donation if they're so inclined....
Ach. I hate trying to function while I'm phlegmy. It's sooooooo gross and distracting.
...............................................
